Big Men, Bigger Babies

In early February; Los Angeles Lakers Andrew Bynum (17) is defended by Philadelphia 76ers center Nikola Vucevic (8) during the second quarter at the Wells Fargo Center. The Sixers defeated the Lakers 95-90. (photo: US PRESSWIRE/Howard Smith)

Andrew Bynum and Dwight Howard need to grow up. Even with all that talent and athleticism they just can’t grasp the big picture. They are not the Super Stars they think they are, they can be, but they are not there yet. You could argue they are the best 2 Centers in the NBA right now, but is the constant whining, complaining and teen- like antics really worth it? From my stand point I could do without them, I feel confident I could trade either one of the mental infants and get more in return in the long run.

Give me 5 minutes alone with each of them and I guarantee I change their attitudes. It’s a simple fix really. This is how it would go down.

ME: Drew, come on in, sit down.

Bynum: Yeah okay.

Me: Look, I’m not gonna waste any time here, you need to stop acting like a spoiled teen, you are 24 years old, you have already won championship rings and you are playing for the best team in the NBA, you are an absolute BEAST when you want to be.

Bynum: Yeah well you know I do what I can.

ME: Right well that brings me to this, because of all of the reasons I’ve already stated, we really want to keep you here, let you continue to grow and keep winning more and more championships. You have 2 now, think about what you could end up with if we all do our part and you play and act like a professional rather than a 14 year old that thinks he understands how the world works.

Bynum: What? I’m a smart man, I’m a beast.

ME: Let’s continue;  so let me make this very, very clear, we want you to stay, but if you don’t want to act like a professional or a winner we will be more than happy to send you to an organization that will be most unpleasant for you. I’m just gonna lay it on the table, I will trade your ass to one of the worst teams in the league, I will load up on future draft picks and that teams best player and continue to win championships. You on the other hand will never win another ring and be left to look like a fool.

Bynum: I can make any team better, I’m gonna do what I do.

Me: Andrew suck it up and drive on or enjoy playing in Charlotte, Toronto or a handful of other organizations that has nothing to look forward to other than the 1^st pick in a draft. Have a good game tonight and think about what I said. You could win 3 rings over the next 3 years or you can spend the next few years hating life.

Bynum: Yeah well I can refuse to play, hold out, demand a trade, wait for free agency, so what if I miss a year, you already said it, I’m young so what will one year hurt? I have all the power here, not you.

Me: If you play that out, I promise you by the time this is all done you will be hated more than Lebron James, Gloria Estefen, and herpes all together. Never underestimate the power the Laker fans have. You will be destroyed. So grow the F up, do what your coaches say, play good team ball and be rewarded greatly.  Great talking to you, have a great game.

With Dwight it would be a little different.

Me: Dwight, look I’m thinking about asking Mike Budenholzer to be the coach next season, he has years of working with great big men, like yourself. I think he would be a great addition to the organization. I’m also going be making some player moves, stand tight and please stop the nonsense on and off the court. Let’s just get through this season and get ready for a major facelift in the offseason.

Dwight: I like the sound of this so far, but actions are louder than words.

Me: Well I’m not going to fire Stan with only a few games to go, I assure you that he will be gone as soon as the season is over. I think we have a chance to land some real major players in free agency and with some trades the team will be entirely next year. I’m even thinking about changing the uniforms. The one thing I don’t want to change is where you play.

Howard: You’ve had years to fix this, why wait till I’m ready to leave?

Me: Forget the past, look towards the future. I’m confident I will bring in the right people to give you multiple championships, you just need to do away with the immaturity and go out there and be a leader, you lead by example and by acting out you are not helping yourself, your teammates, or your fans.

Howard: Okay, you’re right. But Stan is gone the day the season ends for us right?

Me: Yes.

Andrew needs to be put in his place and if he can’t accept it the reward for a trade could be much greater than the headache of an immature, injury prone, jack-ass. Dwight, not so much, he needs to be reassured the organization is on his side and that they will do what it takes to win. But if either of them choose to continue to act out they can be traded and they can both feel the wrath of their fans. Both have it made and should be honored to be on teams that really want them.