Cupid’s Metal Arrow

By on February 13, 2016
The Megadeth front man Dave Mustaine (photo by Travis Failey / RSEN)

The Megadeth front man Dave Mustaine (photo by Travis Failey / RSEN)

Are you like me? Does February 14th make you want to don a toga, paste on some wings, and go out and shoot people straight in their assholes with an arrow? No? It must be my own neurosis. Don’t mind me. I just despise the concept of Valentine’s Day. With every fiber of my being, I cannot stand this bullshit Hallmark holiday. I find it much more admirable to show the person that you love that….you know….you love them 365 days a year. I personally find a random act of kindness, such as gifting a box of chocolates on some arbitrary day, much more impactful. But if buying gifts or doing thoughtful things for someone out of obligation is your thing, hey, celebrate away. For the rest of us, I’ve created a little gift of my own. Whether you are a little jaded on love, or just find the concept of Valentine’s Day and Sweetest Day ludicrous, perhaps you’ll find this playlist humorous. I did this out of the kindness out of my own heart, my little Valentines. No hypocrisy here.

Of course, those of you who know me personally or through my writing know that I tend to lean toward heavy metal. But I’m feeling so generous, I’ve even included a few “normal” songs for you mellow folks. So grab your headphones and crank this playlist, brave the cold and go photo bomb a wedding picture.

  1. This Love – Pantera

Vinnie Paul with Hell Yeah! (photo by Travis Failey / RSEN)

Co-founder of Pantera Vinnie Paul with Hell Yeah! (photo by Travis Failey / RSEN)

When starting this little project, this is the first tune I thought of. Back in high school, I remember having this confusing mish mash of emotions. On one hand, I had helpless crushes on girls way out of my league. At the same time, I slowly constructed this giant wall of resentment toward the same girls. Gotta love confusing teenage hormones. Gotta love double barrel lyrics such as this as well: “I’d kill myself for you, I’d kill you for myself.” If that doesn’t scream Valentine’s Day romance, I don’t know what does.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tymWpEU8wpM

  1. Desperation Burns – Baroness

Baroness wastes no time driving home the point here. The opening riff sets the stage with grimy, ominous sounding tones. The first lyrics spoken are: “I hate to say, but we’ve looked on better days/It took me by surprise/We left our quiet home behind.” Whatever better days were left behind, the desperation to find them again is palpable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRfLC9tJEb8

  1. One of Us Is the Killer – The Dillinger Escape Plan

Don’t be deceived. The first 45 seconds of this song will have you thinking you are stuck in a Lenny Kravitz song. Of course, I would never do that to you. Vocalist Greg Puciato tricks the listener with his soothing falsetto, then *bang*. He belts out “In the air we tried to be/But you shot your arrow through me/Now one of us must die/But the killer won’t survive.” His vocal tone transforms from soothing to piercing, and just like that…POOF…your love song is gone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-FKM3eZTO8

  1. Wake Up Dead – Megadeth

This song has all of the elements. In essence, it’s a tune about a dude that cheats on his wife only to worry about the repercussions when he gets home. Bit of advice brother. Either stop sticking your dick in a piece of strange or sleep with one eye open. The lyrics don’t need me to spin the tale: “I sneak in my own house/It’s four in the morning/I had too much to drink/Said I was out with the boys/I creep in my bedroom/I slip into bed/I know if I wake her/I’ll wake up dead.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bN-0_ErU-wU

  1. The Day That Never Comes – Metallica

This is certainly one of the more tender songs on this list. The music instantly instills an odd mixture of serenity and fear. But do not be deceived. The lyrics may be sung with a tinge of softness, but the lyrics and cold and ruthless. There is nothing romantic about domestic abuse, and that is portrayed very well in this song. But as the music hastens and intensifies, the abused becomes the heroin. If you love your Valentine’s Day full of revenge and liberation, try this on for size: “God I’ll make them pay/Take it back one day/I’ll end this day/I’ll splatter color on this gray.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3J-qPBCDuY

  1. The Bleeding – Five Finger Death Punch

ZOLTAN BATHORY - FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH (photo Travis Failey / RSEN)

ZOLTAN BATHORY – FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH (photo Travis Failey / RSEN)

No my fellow death metal fans. This is not the Cannibal Corpse tune, although that would be awesome too. Quite the contrary, I hesitated to add this song to the list. Not because it doesn’t fit. It’s a perfect fit. I just had a difficult time adding a Five Finger Death Punch song. With that said, the obsession with a toxic relationship strikes a personal chord with me, and contributes nicely to the twisted love theme I’ve established here. “As wicked as you are, you’re beautiful to me/You’re the darkest burning star/You’re my perfect disease.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAuyEG7JPbE

  1. Unfinished – Stone Sour

Corey Taylor (photo Travis Failey / RSEN)

Corey Taylor (photo Travis Failey / RSEN)

Nothing screams Valentine’s Day like divorce. I know I have romantic thoughts of my ex burning in a fire from time to time. Apparently, Corey Taylor does too: “With my fingers crossed behind my back/I let your words slip through my cracks/This person you perceived is dead and gone/I fuckin’ hate it/You’re jaded/We can scream for the hell we created/But this time I won’t let you get me wrong.” Sounds like things won’t be unfinished for long.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKMnqFT6OQ4

  1. Vermillion, Parts I and II – Slipknot

COREY TAYLOR SLIPKNOT (photo Travis Failey / RSEN)

COREY TAYLOR SLIPKNOT (photo Travis Failey / RSEN)

Ok, I cheated on this one. Somehow that seems appropriate today (Zing!!). I connected two songs under the ruse that they are one song. Although they are connected by title, the contrast is stark between the two songs. While part one is more of a traditional Slipknot song with down-tuned guitars and aggressive vocals, part two is a sullen, hypnotic ballad. The common theme, and repeated lyric for that matter, is that the feeling building up inside of the vocalist may eventually tear him apart. When love becomes obsession, it can be more Halloween than Valentine’s Day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKcbYUwmmlE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvetJ9U_tVY

  1. Bitch – Sevendust

Vince Hornsby (Travis Failey / RSEN)

Vince Hornsby (photo Travis Failey / RSEN)

I’ll give you the CliffsNotes version of this one. The title is “Bitch.” The first two lines of the song are “I can’t imagine to be like you/The pain and the suffering you put me through.” Nuff said.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4vCOKGk2rU

  1.  Love, Hate, Love – Alice In Chains

Anyone that loved Alice In Chains knows that Layne Staley was….troubled. In all honesty, I don’t know if this song was written about a woman or a bag of heroin. If I was a gambling man, I’d bet a bag of heroin on the bag of heroin. Regardless, with a title like “Love, Hate, Love,” the relationship in question is not healthy: “Cheating myself still you know more/It would be so easy with a whore/Try to understand me little girl/My twisted passion to be your world.” Too bad Layne isn’t around to claim that bag of heroin I would have wagered.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxrfRaEjAR8

  1. Serenity Painted Death – Opeth

I had to end with this one. In its own little twisted death metal way, this song is actually somewhat romantic. What would you do if the one you loved was senselessly murdered? Would you accept it? Wait for the justice system to get it right? Or would you go vigilante on their asses? Well Mikael Akerfeldt decided bloodshed was the way to go. “Each and every one would die at my hand/Choking in warm ponds of blood/At last, weak and torn, I went down/
Drained from strength, flickering breath.”
As twisted as it sounds, only the strongest of loves could cause a person to find serenity in murder. I’m probably not the person to ask though, considering I’m writing an article about how lame Valentine’s Day is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7cuL_JxHOE

Bonus Songs (for our non-metal loving fans):

  1. Little Wing – Stevie Ray Vaughan

Ok. If you haven’t heard Stevie’s version of this Jimi Hendrix jam, stop what you are 88316-stevie-ray-vaughan-little-wing-tab-pdfdoing right now and listen to it. The song is so gorgeous, it is almost heartbreaking. Beauty aside, if you have ever felt even the slightest twinge of sorrow or loss, this song will bring every emotion to the surface. There are no lyrics. In all honesty, they are unnecessary. Stevie’s guitar conveys the message just fine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=An4uDegHB8s&list=RDAn4uDegHB8s

  1. Love Stinks – The J. Geils Band

j Geils - love stinksAnyone else think of “The Wedding Singer” whenever they hear this song? It doesn’t really matter what version you know. J. Geils and Adam Sandler both know what’s up: “I’ve been through diamonds/I’ve been through minks/I’ve been through it all/Love stinks.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0LAs7X5ybE

And on that note, Happy Candy and Roses Day, pussies!!!

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