The 2012 Ottski Awards

My friends, you’ve seen the Oscars, the Emmys, the Grammys and the ESPYs, but you have not seen the Ottski Awards. Don’t feel left out or uncool, this is the 1^st annual Ottski Award presentation, so you are still “in the know”, now relax and read.

CAPTAIN CLASSY AWARD

The “CAPTAIN CLASSY AWARD” is presented to Person that through all negativity and harassment rose above the rest and stayed Classy.

The Nominees are:

-Tim Tebow

-Jeremy Lin

-Ron Burgundy

And the winner is: Ron Burgundy- Nobody will ever out class the classiest.

AL DAVIS AWARD

The Al Davis Award is presented to the owner that has no business being an owner.

The Nominees are:

-Malcom Glazer

-Michael Jordan

-Mike Brown

And the winner is: Michael Jordan- His judge of talent is simply horrible. Great player, not a good owner.

HUGGIES AWARD

The Huggies Award is presented to the person that just couldn’t stop being a cry baby.

The Nominees are:

-Dan Gilbert

-Blake Griffin

-Lebron James

And the winner is: Blake Griffin- This guy finds something to whine about after every single play.

JOHNNY BE GOOD AWARD

The Johnny Be Good award is presented to the college football coach that is the strongest recruiter in the nation.

The Nominees are:

-Nick Saban

-Lane Kiffin

-Urban Meyer                                               And the winner is: Urban Meyer- O-H-   ….. You know the rest!

BARRY BONDS AWARD

The Barry Bonds Award is presented to the person that has tons of talent but loved the drug.

The Nominees are

-Ryan Braun

-Manny Ramirez

And the winner is: Manny Ramirez- Manny also received the Dumb and Dumber Award earlier tonight.

NATE NEWTON AWARD

The Nate Newton Award is presented to the individual that thought they were above the law.

This year the award is presented to Sam Hurd, NFL wide receiver and suspected drug kingpin.

Counterfeit Award

The Counterfeit Award is presented to the person certainly appears to be one thing, but in the end has zero value.

The Nominees are:

-Kwame Brown

-Greg Oden

-Tim Tebow

And the winner is: Kwame Brown- Kwame signed a 1 year 7 million dollar contract and played 9 games before his season ending injury. His entire career is joke.

JERRY MAGUIRE AWARD

The Jerry Maguire Award is present to the sports agent that is able to trick teams and make something out of nothing.

The Nominees are:

-Tony Dutt – Agent for Rashard Lewis

-Mike Conley Sr. – Agent for Greg Oden

-Mark Bartlestein – Agent for Kwame Brown

And the winner is: Mike Conley Sr. Very close on all counts, but Oden has never even been a contributor for his team, and he still was able to sign an extension this past offseason.

OLD YELLER AWARD

The Old Yeller Award is presented to the individual that just can’t learn to quiet their tone, no matter what the reason they feel the need to yell.

This year the award is presented to Stephen A. Smith, even with the T.V. on mute I can hear his loud mouth flinging phrases of complete nonsense.

IRON MAN AWARD

The Iron Man Award is presented to the individual that through pain and injuries continues to play and at a top level.

This year the award is presented to Kobe Bryant. Kobe has played through a nasty wrist injury and has not missed a game all while leading the NBA in scoring.

DEAD WRONG AWARD

The Dead Wrong Award is present to the person that just can’t seem to get it right.

This year the award goes to ANYBODY THAT THINKS LEBRON IS BETTER THAN KOBE.

Worst Fans Award

The Worst Fans Award goes to the team that has the overall worst group of fans.

This year the award goes to the fans of the Los Angeles Dodgers, if you come to a Dodgers game wearing a jersey other than a Dodgers jersey you will be beaten, not figuratively either, literally you will be in harms way.

RICOLA AWARD

The Ricola Award is presented to the individual that did more choking in big moments than anybody else.

This year the winner is: Lebron James……. I’ve just been informed that due to this being the 9^th year Lebron has won; the Award is no being called the LBJ Lifetime Achievement Award.

THE P.O.S. AWARD

The P.O.S. Award is given to the individual that has truly excelled at being a worthless P.O.S. (I’m sure you have figured out the acronym is by now)

This year after beating up his baby mama, slapping the face of a nightclub doorman, sucker punching a defenseless fighter, spouting off racist slams and threatening his children with bodily injury the P.O.S. award is given to Floyd Mayweather Jr.

MASSENGILL AWARD

The Massengill Award is given to person that rules the world of Doucebags.

The Nominees are:

-Kanye West

-Floyd Mayweather Jr.

-Sean Avery

-Lebron James

And the winner is: We have a tie; we have a 4 way tie. The levels of absolute Douchery  with this group cannot be put in highest to lowest; they just are what they are. They are the Kings of Douche in their own way.

EYE CANDY AWARD

The Eye Candy Award is given to the person that is worth spending time, any amount of time, looking at.

The Nominees are:

-Kate Upton

-Allison Stokke

-Leryn Franco

-Malia Jones

-Lokelani McMichael

And the winner is: They all win; they are all hot and worth looking at. Trust me; go check them out if you haven’t. Oh and do it alone……. just take my word for it.