One with the Universe

By on June 19, 2016
Rip (photo by Randy Ornelas)

Rip (photo by Randy Ornelas)

Inhale and slowly exhale, one more time for good measure. The only sounds I can hear around me are the birds singing a song off to my left. Some sort of creature in the woods behind me chasing its breakfast or early morning friend while Walnut Creek nestles against the banks of the river. In the distance the sound waves of a faint mower prepping the holes ahead of us. The smell of fresh cut grass mixed with fresh morning dew fills my nostrils. Even though there is chatter around me it feels like complete silence, I could hear a leaf (or an acorn) fall from a tree. This is when I stand here and think this is what serenity peace and happiness feels like. Is this Heaven?

This is a place I am trying to get to over every shot I hit on the golf course. For just a brief moment I become one with the Universe for merely 5 seconds at a time. Instead I hear birds of prey squawking in a high eerie pitch hovering over the rabid creature in the woods behind me as Walnut Creek crashes like a tsunami into the banks. In the distance mowers are chomping down and beheading the grass surface. It smells like musty old mothball death being inhaled as I start having gag reflexes from the scent. This is my Hell!

There are many journeys to reaching the PGA Tour and I am attempting to take the very far less traveled, less attempted and merely impossible to complete path. I do not have a sponsor to pay my bills to allow myself to spend 10-12 hours a day doing golf related activities. I do not have a full time swing coach to assist and analyze my swing on site during my practice sessions. I do not have strength and fitness coach to keep me accountable on my physical wellbeing. Almost the most important according to my current swing thoughts I do not have a sports psychologist to mentally prepare myself day in and day out. If you want to be a golfer at the highest level these need to be obtained and accessible at all times.

What I can do is read books on the mental game and self-help books to improve myself. I can hold myself accountable for my physical goals and fitness triumphs. I can work my daily job requirements and make time to squeeze in golf whenever possible. Sun up to Sun down commitment at the Course and gym time and reading when it is dark!!
So far the hardest part of my journey is the neglect I give my friends and family. I battle every day, feeling sorry that I am almost always unavailable when the phone rings or friends want to go out for a beer. Being selfish is not something that comes natural to me. Am I losing the girl of my dreams because I’m not making the right time? Does she even feel the same way or am I just lost in make believe? Maybe she doesn’t even know I exist and I’m just hurting myself thinking that I have an actual chance in hell. Maybe I’m just creating these female friendships just because I want to feel wanted and a part of something I cannot fulfill. Am afraid to fail? I haven’t even given it the opportunity to fail because I bail out before I can even succeed.

This reminds of something I was just reading about. What is Fear??? How do we know to be afraid? Were we hurt as younger adolescence or did someone else tell us what our fears were? Is someone constantly reminding us of what we will not and cannot achieve?
The mind is a wonderful thing. You have to constantly tell yourself that you are worthy and all is obtainable. I fight demons every day and struggle with staying positive. I am far from perfect. I am thankful to have the best friends and family a guy can ask for. Let your past go and look towards the future. Tell yourself everyday with affirmations (as corny and stupid as this sounds) it has some validity. “We” need to stop fighting ourselves and get out of our own way. You are who you think you are.

Visualize with me for a minute fellow golf foo’s. You are standing on a tee box staring at a 470 yard par 4. On the left side starting at about 200 yards away is a nice sized lake. To the right we have a wooded area the length of the hole that is marked as out-of-bounds. What goes through your head? Are we telling ourselves to be afraid to go left because you don’t want to end up in an Abyss or turn your ball into a new toy for the Loch Ness monster? Oh snap we can’t miss right because we have the Lumber Yard Danny! We haven’t even hit the shot yet and we are already setting in thoughts of fear. We aren’t even certain we will go left or right. It is a constant battle to stay in the moment and swing free with no restrictions. Trust in your swing and know you are hitting it down the middle. What Water? What out-of-bounds? As soon as we start worrying about the water left or trees right or the raccoon which may be rabid or the tee monster lurking behind us. Now our golf swing starts to feel like we are wearing a strait jacket. Now our only way to survive is to force the club at impact and start thinking mechanical while our mind eats us from the inside out.
I am so close right now not even thinking over each shot. I just pick out the lines and know what swing to put on it. I have until July 5th 6th and 7th to keep figuring some of this out and get some putts to roll in the hole.

Each day get better by an inch or a second! Become one with the Universe.

@Rynorip

https://www.gofundme.com/RipRoggow

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