By Eddie Michels on April 24, 2017
Well I have been toying with this idea for quite some time and even been using some of the gags for about 10-plus years. Some are not mine and I don’t honestly know where they came from. So now I figured why not put them down on paper for all to see and get a chuckle or two…
1-Your medicine cabinet actually has more medicine than cosmetics.
2-Your pharmacist greets you on a first name basis.
3-You are on AARP’s bulk mailing list.
4-You can actually sign you name not just print it.
5-You read the obituary’s daily to see if you have any friends left.
6-You earnestly checkout the hair color products at the pharmacy to see which one won’t be too obvious.
7-You forget your age, accidentally on purpose, unless someone remembers ,then you lie about your age.
8-You actually answer the phone when someone is trying to sell you something.
9-You wear pajamas all day as you don’t know when a nap will sneak up on you.
10-When being regular means you only need a five minute head start to hit the john.
11-A late night out ends when the sun is setting not when it’s raising.
12-When you are happy with four minutes after taking Viagra, forget the four hours.
13-Your remote control along with your couch have become your best friends.
14-You still call it dialing a telephone.
15-You can still write a letter but you don’t need to lick the stamp.
16-A stamp for a letter today costs more than you got as an allowance as a kid.
17-You realize that grandchildren are a grand parent’s best revenge on their children.
18-You still use a dictionary instead of spell check.
19-You actually read the labels on items you buy.
20-That hopped up low slung sports car looks great but that big Buick is a lot easier to get in and out of.
21-You and your wife attend a major league baseball game where a beer and a dog cost more than your first paycheck was before taxes. Don’t even ask about the cost of the tickets.
22-You brag about being able to stay up New Year’s Eve to watch the ball drop but not telling anyone you set the alarm for 11:55 PM.
23-You still wear a shirt and tie to church.
24-Your wife sends you out on meaningless errands just so she can get some peace and quiet.
25-You still think Ronald Regan’s best movie role was “Bed Time for Bonzo.”
26-When the numbers 7 and 11 meant when you got up and when you went to bed.
27-You get more mail from AARP than your children.
28-You get a pleasant surprise when you find out your younger brother is losing his hair faster than you are.
29-When your high school class reunion looks more like a Mary K convention.
30-When someone says it’s good to see you and you answer it’s good to be seen.
31-When you have to think for a moment when ask, “Have you ever seen a misspelled word on radio?”
32-When you still know all five names of the Marx Brothers (Harpo, Zeppo, Chico, Groucho and Gummo).
33-When your draft lottery number is 000.
34- And the last one……………… When you have social security on speed dial.
Categories: Other Side of Sports (Too)
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