YOU MIGHT BE A SENIOR CITIZEN IF (WHEN)

 Well I have been toying with this idea for quite some time and even been using some of the gags for about 10-plus years.   Some are not mine and I don’t honestly know where they came from.   So now I figured why not put them down on paper for all to see and get a chuckle or two…

1-Your medicine cabinet actually has more medicine than cosmetics.

2-Your pharmacist greets you on a first name basis.

3-You are on AARP’s bulk mailing list.

4-You can actually sign you name not just print it.

5-You read the obituary’s daily to see if you have any friends left.

6-You earnestly checkout the hair color products at the pharmacy to see which one won’t be too obvious.

7-You forget your age, accidentally on purpose, unless someone remembers ,then you lie about your age.

8-You actually answer the phone when someone is trying to sell you something.

9-You wear pajamas all day as you don’t know when a nap will sneak up on you.

10-When being regular means you only need a five minute head start to hit the john.

11-A late night out ends when the sun is setting not when it’s raising.

12-When you are happy with four minutes after taking Viagra, forget the four hours.

13-Your remote control along with your couch have become your best friends.

14-You still call it dialing a telephone.

15-You can still write a letter but you don’t need to lick the stamp.

16-A stamp for a letter today costs more than you got as an allowance as a kid.

17-You realize that grandchildren are a grand parent’s best revenge on their children.

18-You still use a dictionary instead of spell check.

19-You actually read the labels on items you buy.

20-That hopped up low slung sports car looks great but that big Buick is a lot easier to get in and out of.

21-You and your wife attend a major league baseball game where a beer and a dog cost more than your first paycheck was before taxes.  Don’t even ask about the cost of the tickets.

22-You brag about being able to stay up New Year’s Eve to watch the ball drop but not telling anyone you set the alarm for 11:55 PM.

23-You still wear a shirt and tie to church.

24-Your wife sends you out on meaningless errands just so she can get some peace and quiet.

25-You still think Ronald Regan’s best movie role was “Bed Time for Bonzo.”

26-When the numbers 7 and 11 meant when you got up and when you went to bed.

27-You get more mail from AARP than your children.

28-You get a pleasant surprise when you find out your younger brother is losing his hair faster than you are.

29-When your high school class reunion looks more like a Mary K convention.

30-When someone says it’s good to see you and you answer it’s good to be seen.

31-When you have to think for a moment when ask, “Have you ever seen a misspelled word on radio?”

32-When you still know all five names of the Marx Brothers (Harpo, Zeppo, Chico, Groucho and Gummo).

33-When your draft lottery number is 000.

And the last one- 34- When you have social security on speed dial.