NFL Picks Week 4 2016

By on September 29, 2016

 

OMG! OMFG! OMFG!!!!! I’m like a real sports journalist now just like my idol, that lady on that ESPN show… you know who I’m talking about right? Anyways!!! I’m a student at the college where all the smart, beautiful and well to do people go in Los Angeles… No it’s not USC, they are all so ghetto there. UCLA in the house!!! My name is Pipi B. Dense and I’m here as a special correspondent to discuss the NFL picks for week Four! Like, right now you should really be paying attention to me.

 (USA TODAY Sports / Aaron Doster)

(USA TODAY Sports / Aaron Doster)

Thursday Night Game:

Dolphins at Bengals: Dolphins are like soooo cute, they like to play with balls and Bengals… I mean like are they fierce or a bracelet? I was going to go with the Dolphins but my Boyfriend told me the Bengals use animal print so they will win by like a bunch.

Sunday:

Browns at Redskins: OMG like Brown always covers up Red IMHO the Browns win. Plus the Browns used to have a hottie player, he promised to take me to Vegas but he never showed up, I guess he got lost. Oh Johnnie I miss you! Browns win by like a little.

Colts at Jags: OMG I know a guy named Colt; he is so handsome and has a thick accent. What is a Jag? Colts win!

Lions at Bears: STFU… OMG like two of my favorite Circus animals… SIMBA, Mufasa and Scar are like sooooo good they can’t lose. Lions win!

falconsPanthers at Falcons: huh? What? Oh ok… my BFF said she likes the Panthers, they have been like her favorite team for forever and she loves the guy that throws the ball and his savage hats. But my superior knowledge of this game tells me the Falcons win by a basket.

Raiders at Ravens: Don’t the Ravens have a real life murderer on their team or something like that? He’s the one that does the dance. Don’t ever bet against a murderer. Ravens win.

(Christopher Hanewinckel - USA TODAY Sports)

(Christopher Hanewinckel – USA TODAY Sports)

Titans at Texans: Texas is a big state, but the Titan means big too… OMG! Think girl, who is gonna win? Oh… I know, the 1st team.

Bills at Patriots: I hate Bills, Daddy always says Bills are the worst thing next to Taxes, Crabs and Liberals. So don’t tread on me … PATRIOTS ALL THE WAY, unless they play the Bruins! GO UCLA!!

Seahawks at Jets: I love Jets, but the Seahawks are my Cousins team and he said they are going to win by like a hundred so sorry Jets, no world series for you!

Broncos at Bucs: I went to Tampa once and I know Denver is always High so Bucs win.

Rams at Cardinals: LOS ANGELES BABY!!!! Home of the Bruins and the Lakers and the Dodgers and Kings! Oh wait, the Rams are horrible? OK… Rams lose by a few points.

Saints at Chargers: Like I have to say the Saints win, I went to Mardi Gras when I was younger and had the best time, at least that’s what Darren Sharper told me.

DALLAS COWBOYS

DALLAS COWBOYS

Cowboys at 49ers: Dak rhymes with Yak.. OMG I AM SO FUNNY!!! ROTFLMAO!!!! 49ers win.

Chiefs at Steelers: The thrower for the Steelers once bought me and my Sorority Sisters drinks all weekend. He seemed like such a sweetheart, he kept asking if I wanted help walking to the bathroom too. Steelers win!

Giants at Vikings: I like things big like Giants but I also like things rough like Vikings… hmmm… Wait the Vikings are Purple? YES!!! That’s my fall color! Vikings win with a penalty kick from the goalie!

Packers and Eagles are on a Bye Week… I did a Bi weekend but not a whole week… I missed my man too much.

TTYL!!

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