JJ Ranks them Week 8

 

So this is the new NFL, huh? This is what the league mustaches want? If so, I’m not buying in. Call me old fashioned, but I actually enjoy the running game and defensive battles. Instead, we have been handed rule changes that have made it nearly impossible to play defense. The illegal contact rule implemented and emphasized this season has made the running game nearly irrelevant. Consider these numbers. Zach Mettenberger, a third string quarterback making his first career start, attempted 41 passes and threw for 300 yards. Fellow rookies Derek Carr and Teddy Bridgewater had 54 and 42 pass attempts, respectively. Nick Foles threw for 411 yards on 61 attempts and lost. Andrew Luck threw for 400 yards on 45 attempts, only to share the same fate as Foles. That is to be expected when your counterpart, Ben Roethlisberger, threw for 522 yards and 6 TDs. Aaron Rodgers threw for 418 yards with a 93.8 QB Rating in a losing effort. Tom Brady completed 30 passes and misfired only 5 times while throwing for 354 yards and 5 TDs. And Peyton Manning barely made a blip on the radar, despite a 124.2 QB Rating and 3 TD passes. Running backs should start their own union and go on strike. As you read through the rankings this week, see how many teams’ primary running back you know:

1)       Denver (6-1)

• Aside from passing the eyeball test, quality wins over; Indianapolis, Kansas City, Arizona, San Francisco and San Diego validate the Broncos hold on the #1 spot

2)       Arizona (6-1)

• Great win over a 1 loss Phili team. John Brown, Michael Floyd, and Andre Ellington make it nearly impossible to double team Larry Fitzgerald

3)       New England (6-2)

• Only time will tell if the Patriots dismantling of the Bears had more to do with how good the Patriots are, or how awful the Bears are. With that said, remember when Boston had their panties in a bunch about how Tom Brady was washed up?

4)       Detroit (6-2)

• I feel a wee bit uncomfortable putting a team that trailed the Falcons 21-0 at #4, but the heart this team has shown over the last 2 weeks cannot be ignored. By the way, the Lions will get Megatron back soon

5)       Philadelphia (6-2)

• A close loss on the road to a 6-1 Cardinals team is nothing to hang your head about. The Eagles still look like one of the best teams in the NFC

6)       Dallas (6-2)

• I reserve the right to plummet this team in the rankings if Tony Romo’s back injury lingers. Could this be the beginning of the infamous second half Cowboys slide?

7)       San Francisco (4-3)

• Tons of carnage around the 49ers while they get healthy spells trouble for the NFC. Have I mentioned that they will soon be returning Aldon Smith, Navarro Bowman, Patrick Willis, and Marcus Lattimore?

8)       Kansas City (4-3)

• Andy Reid is doing one hell of a job with this team. Despite the injuries on the defensive side of the ball, the Chiefs have beaten Miami, New England, and San Diego

9)       Green Bay (5-3)

• Just like Tony Romo’s back, the Packers spot in the rankings hinges upon the health of Aaron Rodgers’ hamstring. If it becomes a lingering issue, Green Bay could quickly fall behind Detroit

10)   San Diego (5-3)

• Losing at Mile High is nothing to be ashamed of. But when you look at the last three Chargers games, there is reason for concern. This is starting to feel like a Cowboys story

11)   Indianapolis (5-3)

• What the fuck was that? A week after I praise the defense for embarrassing the Bengals, they embarrass themselves against the Steelers. Go figure

12)   Seattle (4-3)

• Russell Wilson is willing the Seahawks to victory. Whether they are denying it or not, there is something funny going on with the chemistry of this football team

13)   Cincinnati (4-2-1)

• Is Cinci back? Or are the Bengals the pimp, and the Ravens their ho?

14)   Baltimore (5-3)

• The Ravens don’t have any quality wins on their schedule. Their upcoming Sunday night battle against the Steelers will reveal a lot about this team

15)   Pittsburgh (5-3)

• Nothing pisses off the city of Pittsburgh more than losing to Cleveland. If you want proof, look at what the Steelers have done since the second quarter of their game against Houston

16)   Buffalo (5-3)

• I can’t quite figure out how, but the Bills are only a game behind the Patriots. Kyle Orton has made Buffalo forget all about EJ Manuel, and Sammy Watkins couldn’t be happier. Hey Sammy!! Save your TD celebrations for after you cross the goal line

17)   Miami (4-3)

• Ryan Tannehill is showing some progress, but the Dolphins don’t have a quality win to point to since week one against the Pats

18)   Houston (4-4)

• The Texans don’t move in my rankings because they lose to the teams I expect them to lose to, and beat the teams I expect them to beat. “They are who we thought they were!!!”

19)   Cleveland (4-3)

• Only in Cleveland can a football team be 4-3 and still be in last place. That loss to Jacksonville is looming mighty large now

20)   New Orleans (3-4)

• It is surreal to think that a 3-4 team is in the thick of a divisional playoff race. Someone in New Orleans is super awesome at voodoo

21)   Carolina (3-4-1)

• The Panthers are 1-4-1 over their last 6 games. The defense finally showed up against the Seahawks, and the offense laid an egg

22)   Washington (3-5)

• Somehow, the Redskins have managed to scrap their way to 2 consecutive victories. As a Browns fan, it’s nice to see Colt McCoy get a chance to shine

23)   New York Giants (3-4)

• Hey, at least the Giants are the best team in the Big Apple

24)   St Louis (2-5)

• Losing Jake Long and Brian Quick for the season certainly made Austin Davis’ job a bit more difficult going forward

25)   Minnesota (3-5)

• Anthony Barr made a great OT play to salvage this game. Otherwise, the Vikes were staring down the barrel of a loss to a 1-5 Bucs team

26)   Atlanta (2-6)

• The Falcons have been outscored 70-7 in the fourth quarter over their last 6 games. If Mike Smith’s ass is sweating, it is because he is sitting on the hot seat

27)   Chicago (3-5)

• The Bears are a fucking mess. Marc Trestman is probably wishing he was still coaching in the CFL

28)   Tennessee (2-6)

• The Titans were dominated by an average Texans team. Zach Mettenberger looks like the best QB on the roster, and that is scary. To quote JJ Watt, “Welcome to the show”

29)   Jacksonville (1-7)

• The Jags’ front seven are keeping them in games. Unfortunately, their offense is taking them out of games

30)   Tampa Bay (1-6)

• Has anyone seen Vincent Jackson? Although, if I had Mike Glennon and Josh McCown throwing the ball to me, I would want to disappear too

31)   New York Jets (1-7)

• The Jets are a fucking dumpster fire. And man, do I love a good New York dumpster fire

32)   Oakland (0-7)

• When you glimpse at the remaining schedule, a potential victory is difficult to find. 0-16 is not out of the question for the Raiders